Sunday, July 22, 2012


"Sometimes pain become such a huge part in your life that you always expect it to be there. You don't remember a time when it wasn't there. But the one day you feel something else, something that feels wrong, only because it's so unfamiliar. and in that moment you realize you're happy."
 ~Lucas Scott-One tree Hill

(Michael, Shayla, Sofi and mom)

Hey you out there reading this, thank you for being witness to my life. When I decided to start this blog I wanted to write about myself, about my world, the good and the bad, to have an outlet, a public diary.  I guess I've written a small part of my life, the process of me getting healthier and I am getting healthier in so many ways, physically and now emotionally. Let me just tell you some of my history so that you can understand what I'm talking about. These past 4 years have been liberating but at the same time so painful. I made a decision that I don't regret because I did it for the safety of my loved ones, but sometimes life surprises you. I had to call child service on my own sister not because of her but because of her then boyfriend. He was physically, mentally and emotionally abusing my niece and nephews. My niece would come to my house and cry for me and my mother to help her. My older nephew had to leave the house at the age of 17 not yet out of high school. I really don't want to go into so many details because I'm trying to let the wounds heal, their almost there. They sent someone to their house and found enough to investigate them for months but they didn't find enough to have the man removed from the house (which was my intention not for the kids to go into the system). What happen was that my sister took away the kids from us, my mother and I had raise her kids with her and she shut us out. They were out of our world all of them and our world was shattered into little pieces. My older brother decided to take my sisters side after everything happened. That felt like a betrayal because before I called the DCF he said that we had to do anything to protect those kids. But some people just talk and take no actions. That night I lost a brother, a sister, 2 nieces and 2 nephews, and from then on it was just me and my mom. Four long years were lost without each others company. But I did gain some people and things in my life, my dog/daughter Sofi, my cousin Michelle, my own life. My own life, I didn't know what to do with it. Then there came a spark in the month of December 2011 a spark in the form of a book called Normal gets you nowhere by Kelly Cutrone. It gave me the small spark I needed to get my life started again, to get healthy, set goals, come out of my depression. I decided to move out of Tampa, Fl. work to find a career I love, surround myself with positive people that love me and to find someone to love and he to love me just the way I am, with flaws and all. Two months ago life thru me a curve ball my sister became ill and was hospitalised, we went to her side. The relationship is so fragile we started with baby steps, planting the seed and watering it hoping that it would grow, there is so much pain in our hearts. Today after 4 years my mother and I saw my niece Shayla and my nephew Michael, bliss, sunshine in our hearts. One step further into the healing journey. Yet there are still shattered pieces out there and I'm not sure if those I wanted to put back.....

(Me and Shayla)

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it. ~Jacques Prévert

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